In-Home Domestic Terrorism…and dog poop


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The Struggle is Real Ya’ll…Konichiwa Bitches



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One of my favorite all time songs

Let Someone Love You Just the Way You Are


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I am flawed, hopefully not fatally so. I am no longer young, and that makes me not as attractive, to most. I don’t make very much money, and haven’t lived up to my potential. But I’m empathetic, and kind, and dogs and children unfailingly like me. I still have the capacity to love. I have to believe that someone is out there for me, someone who will love the less-than-perfect me, someone who will see that I’m the same boy I used to be.

A Beautiful Woman, Beaten and Choked


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She Photographed Herself Everyday For A Year. This just looked like another one of those videos where someone takes a picture of themselves every day of the year, but by the end you realize it was something much different.

Dog Passes Out From Overwhelming Joy


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The family’s daughter had been away at college for 2 years, and this schnauzer was so happy to see her again! Another example of why I love dogs more than just about anything :)

I Immediately Started Crying


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This photo of a Virginia mom hugging her 3-year-old son on a Florida beach has gone viral. The boy was battling cancer and had just finished a round of chemotherapy treatments. The tender moment is now touching hearts across the world.

A Horrible Incident: My Dogs Fighting


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I am going to have a stroke or heart attack one of these times when they start fighting :(

Brothers Find an Adoptive Home and Forever Family


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I drove to Ocala to place nine and one year old siblings in their forever adoptive home this evening. I feel really good about this case. It’s especially rewarding because we battled with the Guardian ad Litem program, who were advocating to split the boys up, because they didn’t feel the nine year old was adoptable. The brothers are laughing and playing and singing songs. I’m taking them to their forever home, with their new mommy and daddy, and I’m Feeling Good!



the Beastie Boys


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This white boy had every song on Licensed to Ill memorized. At the end of their concert in Birmingham, a huge inflatable penis came up through the stage. My friend Trey’s mother (who was already pissed because of all the cursing) rushed us up outta there (cursing).

Brass Monkey and Paul Revere, that was my jams, yo

Grady Judd


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Grady Judd is the Sheriff of Polk County Florida. As sheriff, backed by a like-minded State Attorney’s Office, Judd has made the signature of his administration child porn stings, Craigslist prostitution stings and so-called cyberstings modeled after NBC’s To Catch a Predator. He has a reputation for being kind of asshole, but he is a cute, stern daddy type.

Grady Judd quotes:

On how many times one of his deputies shot a suspect to kill him:


On why a man who allegedly had killed a deputy got shot 68 times when he was found:

“Because that’s all the ammunition we had.”

On why he ordered the basketball hoops removed from the county jail:

“I was tired of people driving by the jail and it looking like we were holding recreation for a bunch of criminals.”

On why he took away from the jail corn bread, chocolate milk, boiled eggs and peanut butter:

“If you don’t like the bill of fare at the county jail, behave. Quit violating the law and stay out of the county jail. You can eat anything you want when you’re at home.”

“I don’t care whether they’re guilty or not. That’s of no concern to me. What is of concern to me is that there’s probable cause to believe that they’re guilty. And if there’s probable cause, we’re probably going feed them exactly as if they were convicted.”

On a man who killed most of his family and then killed himself:

“He’ll have the opportunity to burn in hell for it, which is a good thing.”

On Internet predators:

“We’re going to get you. We’re going to catch you. We’re going to chase you to the ends of the Earth if that’s what it takes.”

On pedophile book author Phillip Greaves:

“He is a very sick guy, I mean, I mean, deranged – I mean, he’s just, like, yuck.”





Sleepytime on Central Avenue


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Good night Squeak Squeak

Tamarind Flavor and Grits Chips


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At the flea market on Sunday, the Mexican vendor offered me Tamarind as a Sno-Cone flavor. I declined, instead choosing Red flavor, but did buy this Tamarind soda at Walmart. It tastes pretty good, kind of a more tart ginger ale…way better than that nasty Kombucha I recently tried, for the first and last time. Also, Jeff Foxworthy’s Grits Chips sadly taste like old unsalted Fritos.

Artist Renderings From My Book


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14 Due to Budgetary Constraints

Mateo the Artist, a most fabulously talented individual, is the artist for my book, The Gay Road Less Traveled, $2.99 on Amazon. Squeak the Boston Terrier is the supermodel.


20 Trailer Park Turkish Delight


Beautiful Baby Boy


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I have a new little one on my caseload. He was born healthy and allowed to go home with his mother from the hospital. DCF removed him for failure to thrive nine days later, but irreparable damage was already done. I ask to hold him, and his foster mother places this fragile little bird in my arms, gently reminding me to be careful of the feeding tube in his stomach. I look down at him. His bright blue eyes find mine, and he smiles. Tears well up in my eyes. I think about how negative and unhappy and unproductive I have been in these past two years, complaining about getting old or being lonely, and I am ashamed. This little angel has had a rough life so far, and is lucky to be alive. Seeing his perfect little face smiling up at me, I promise to do my best to find him a forever home and family, who will love him…like I already do.


Lil Wayne Police Interview


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“I remember she was crazy stupid thick”

“I don’t recall”

Sir, you cannot say No to the question until it’s been asked

Didn’t you serve 10 months in Riker’s Island in 2010? “I don’t recall”

Raccoons Are People Too


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A co-worker and I took one of our teens clothes shopping at the Plato’s Closet in Palm Harbor.and OMG! I found me a raccoon t-shirt for $3!


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Stealing From Cracker Barrel and Walmart


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On Sunday, I had a breakfast date with a nice engineer who works at Lockheed Martin, at the Cracker Barrel in Oldsmar. In addition to devouring my country fried steak with white gravy, pancakes and eggs, when my date excused himself to the bathroom I put the salt and pepper shakers in my pocket, all sneaky-like. Full disclosure, I walked out of the Creighton Walmart with a rack of baby back ribs last month as well…but that was basically due to the stupid worker in charge of self checkout ignoring me for way way too long…but what’s going on here, what’s the real, do I need a DSM diagnosis or sumthin’?



Make Me Babies


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I used the Make Me Babies app to see what a baby boy that my current crush and I had together would look like…damn that baby is CUTE! My baby with Brad Pitt is also cute, but crap my offspring with David Beckham is fugly :(



Saved 669 Children During the Holocaust, Doesn’t Know They Are Sitting Next to Him


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Sir Nicholas Winton was a humanitarian who organized a rescue operation that saved the lives of 669 Jewish Czechoslovakia children from Nazi death camps, and brought them to the safety of Great Britain between the years 1938-1939.

After the war, his efforts remained unknown. But in 1988, Winton’s wife Grete found the scrapbook from 1939 with the complete list of children’s names and photos. This is a clip of a video where Sir Nicholas Winton is sitting in an audience of Jewish Czechoslovakian people who he saved 50 years before.

He Saved 669 Children During The Holocaust… And He Doesn’t Know They’re Sitting Next To Him.

If this doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, kill yourself

Cricket Killing an Alien and Biting her Sister


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Seems like she has some pitbull/wolf mixed in with her fat French bulldog DNA…

Training Cricket and Squeak to Fight for Money


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Next time, maybe kittens instead of grasshoppers?

One Day in the Culinary Life, a Foodie’s Journey


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7/3/14 10 a.m.
3 slices of almost questionably old Hungry Howie’s pizza, and a large coffee with about 1/4 cup of white sugar


Healthy snacks that I nosh on throughout the day, most coming from the Bargain Basement, who sell big truckloads of stuff whose sell by date has expired: honey badger don’t care!

Drinks, normally Sunny D is up in this mix, or Five Alive

7/3/14 1 p.m. 2 buttercream and 2 chocolate cupcakes my supervisor brought in (no pic, refer to my belly fat for reference)

7/3/14 6 p.m.
20 Nuggets and fries from McDonald’s, with BBQ


7/3/14 10 p.m.
S’Mores, with Snickers and Milky Way bites, and Chocolate Brownie, Toasted Coconut, and fruit flavored marshmallows




7/4/14 10 a.m. Hot dogs broiled hard in the oven, on some hamburger buns with cheese and ketchup, Walmart curly fries with melted cheese and BBQ sauce

Books are People too


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On the 1st and 15th of each month, the Parc Thrift Store in Pinellas Park is 50% the entire store, so 50 cent harcovers and quarter paperbacks, including Chuck Palahniuk, Margaret Atwood and my 2nd favorite author of all time, Augusten Burroughs.

The New 2 U Thrift Store in Seminole has coupons for 50% off your entire purchase, again making the harcovers 50 cents and the paperbacks a quarter, including Sara Gruen’s Water for Elephants and Riding Lessons, and the greatest literary love of my life, David Sedaris.


John Oliver

John Oliver is making moves and shaking things up, tackling hot topic political issues and calling people out on their shit. He’s cute and nerdy and smart, but he does still have not cute British teeth for some reason. John Jernigan-Oliver

John Oliver is also a big gay rights activist, here is his introduction to both the fantastic Pepe Julian Onziema and the fucktard Scott Lively

A Surprise Pug Puppy, made me cry


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When his girlfriend had to put down her beloved 10-year-old beagle, this thoughtful guy knew just what to do to help cure her broken heart. It’s a rainy Thursday night in St. Pete, and I am feeling kind of sad and lonely. I had a good cry watching this video.

Bebe’s Kids


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When I was a case manager in Pensacola, I had a big office all to myself. I would collect small toys at different thrift stores and flea markets, and kept them in said office for the children on my caseload. 2 years later, I still have bags full of toys. I had a home visit scheduled this evening, to see a three-year old on one of my cases. I brought my bag of toys for him, and the other foster kids in the home, and the foster mother’s grandbaby, with the plan that each toddler could have 2-3 toys. At my arrival, the “gang” and I do mean gang included my three-year old *Bubba, siblings *Peanut and *Bean three and 1 1/2 years old, and the foster mother’s granddaughter *Atari, 4 years old. All were observed to have snotty noses.
The five of us got down on the living room floor and I dumped the bag of toys out. They all started grabbing and pushing. Bean sat down right in the middle of the pile. I tried to help Atari pick out the few girls toys, but Peanut snatched up a My Little Pony and a Strawberry Shortcake, causing Atari to start screaming and trying to kick Peanut, who smartly remained just out of reach. His little brother Bean wasn’t as lucky. He was intently slobbering and putting toys in his mouth when Atari hit him over the head with a Triceratops, hard, and he started screaming and crying. I tried to explain to Peanut that he didn’t want girls toys, but his foster mother (who is ancient, older than her own mother, and whose voicemail jumps right into quoting scripture without so much as a hello) shrugged and said “Peanut be likin’ girl stuff, that’s how he do.”
Bubba was stockpiling toys behind him, and Peanut and Atari started grabbing again. Peanut put poor Boots up his nose. Atari was trying to be sneaky and was hiding toys underneath her, looking off into space so she wouldn’t have to make eye contact with me. Bubba and Peanut started grabbing up toys and running them to their bedroom, in the back of the house. Old Mother Hubbard didn’t say shit. Atari refused to stand up, because she was sitting on several toys, including Stitch, Eor and Oscar the Grouch. She never stood up until I left, furtively watching me with her little thievin’ eyes. As soon as I had three or four toys in front of one of them and thought I was good, the others had grabbed up more, except baby Bean, who needed changing, BADLY :(
All three of the older gremlins got 5-6 toys each at least, and when I started putting the remaining toys back in the bag, all four of them started screaming again, yelling No! Stop! Mine! Peanut even started crying. As I made my exit Bubba and Peanut were wrestling and screaming over a giraffe, Atari was nesting on her stolen loot, and Bean was gnawing Miss Piggy’s face off.

* Not their names


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