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Trader Joe’s

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Trader Joe's

Tampa’s Trader Joe’s has finally opened, and it’s busy as hell. You would have thought the baby Jesus himself was promoting the Curried Quinoa Salad with Mango or something on this Easter Sunday. Conceding that it should have been opened years ago and that I am certainly behind the times, I still love this place! I am such a foodie now…

“Trader Joe’s is no ordinary grocery chain. It’s an offbeat, fun discovery zone that elevates food shopping from a chore to a cultural experience. It stocks its shelves with a winning combination of low-cost, yuppie-friendly staples (cage-free eggs and organic blue agave sweetener) and exotic, affordable luxuries — Belgian butter waffle cookies or Thai lime-and-chili cashews — that you simply can’t find anyplace else.”

My grocery basket:

the Sea Salt Butterscotch Caramels $3.49

edamame
Edamame Crackers $2.69
chx
Mandarin Orange Chicken $4.99
pull chx
BBQ Pulled Chicken $5.99
fries
Homecut Fries $1.99
cocoa
Petite Cocoa Wafers $1.99
sesame
Sesame Sticks $2.29
carrot
Carrot Cake Cookies $3.99
mandarins
Dried Mandarin Slices $1.99
jerky
Chicken Jerky Dog Treats

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The Dune Universe

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The Dune Universe

“My brother is coming, for he is the Kwisatz Haderach”

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“He who controls the spice controls the universe”

“The Spice Must Flow”

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My Posse’s on Broadway, Goin’ Back to Cali

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My first 2 cars were a Mustang GT and a Chevy Blazer…and there was a time that I had that bass, ya heard? I had them Alpine 12′s and them Rockford Fosgate 15′s, booming all over Talladega County…bumpin’ Sir Mix a Lot in Childersburg, Sylacauga, Alpine, Winterboro, Harpersville, Talladega, Munford, Pell City, Vincent and Sycamore. When I started having “adventures” in Birmingham and Atlanta, 80′s hip hop was replaced by Dead or Alive and Erasure.

“I’m callin’ up the posse, it’s time to get rippin’
The freaks need a sunroof, to keep you sucka’s trippin’
Everybody’s lookin’, if your jealous turn around-
The AMG kick keeps us closer to the ground
we’re gettin’ good grip from the 50 series tires
the Alpine’s bumpin’, but I need the volume higher”

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High School Prom

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High School Prom

Destined to fail for several reasons. She thought she was in love with this weasel-faced guy Jeff, and while I did have feelings for her, I also had a huge crush on her father…how you doin’, Paul?

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time for me to move on…Atlanta?

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I have failed again at finding someone, my old friend’s depression and pessimism are my constant companions, I am often sad and lonely, maybe it’s time for me to fly…maybe I should move back to Atlanta. I am worried that I will always be alone.

Somebody’s Baby

“Well, just – a look at that girl with the lights comin’ up in her eyes.
She’s got to be somebody’s baby.
She must be somebody’s baby.
All the guys on the corner stand back and let her walk on by.
She’s got to be somebody’s baby.
She must be somebody’s baby.
She’s got to be somebody’s baby.
She’s so fine.”

Blue Savannah

“Somewhere ‘cross the desert
Sometime in the early hours
To the orange side
Through the clouds and thunder

My home is where the heart is
Sweet to surrender to you only
I send my love to you.”

Nightswimming

“Nightswimming,
remembering that night
September’s coming soon
I’m pining for the moon
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit around the fairest sun?
The bright tide forever drawn
Could not describe nightswimming”

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French Bulldogs & Babies

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French Bulldogs & Babies

I have felt sad and old and pessimistic about life all day. To cheer myself up, I am posting some pics of 2 of my favorite things, frenchies and babies. I also got to hold a precious little nugget on one of my cases this afternoon as well.

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This Is On Your Face

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This Is On Your Face

Demodex folliculorum and Demodex brevisare are parasitic mites that particularly favor the hair follicles of eyebrows and eyelashes and measure less than a millimeter long. They crawl about your face in the dark to mate and then crawl into the pores to lay their eggs and die. Healthy adults have around one or two mites per square centimeter of facial skin, though people with the condition rosacea can have 10X more. Demodex does not have an anus and therefore cannot get rid of its feces. Instead, their abdomen gets bigger and bigger, and when the mite dies it decomposes and releases its feces all at once into the pore.

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Mr. Right Saturday Night?

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Mr. Right Saturday Night?

Do I have the energy and optimism to get ready and cross the bridge into Ybor City this beautiful spring night? Probably not, my future ex-husband isn’t likely to be there anyway :( Instead I’ll probably just curl up on the couch with my true loves, Cricket and Squeak.

I live on Central Ave. in St. Petersburg. St. Pete is actually the 4th largest city in Florida, between Tampa and Orlando. You can’t tell that from the queer nightlife. There is really only one gay club here, Georgie’s, and it’s very 1990′s. I can walk to Georgie’s from my apartment, and have a few times, but it’s just not cute. The problem with venturing into Ybor is that I have to be drunk/tipsy to deal with the ugliness, and then I’m faced with drunk driving over the bridge at 3 a.m. or hooking up with some random vodka-goggles dude…that ain’t cool, man.

Ybor City Chamber of Commerce description:

“Known as Tampa’s Latin Quarter for over a century, Ybor City is an exotic blend of aromas, flavors, sights and sounds. From the scent of roasting Cuban coffee early in the morning to the rhythms of Latin music late into the night, Ybor is a feast for the senses.

Choose from a variety of cuisine – Spanish, Cuban, Italian, Greek and French – just by strolling down La Setima, the main street of the Historic District. Share authentic tapas and a pitcher of Spanish sangria in a café atmosphere reminiscent of a Mediterranean village.

Browse eclectic shops and art galleries or visit one of the museums. See a “hand-rolled cigar” being made or just relax and “people watch” with a cup of Ybor’s famous cafe con leche.

Listen to the music of the night – jazz, blues, salsa, reggae and even hip-hop emanate from a selection of pubs, patio bars and nightclubs. Ybor is alive with a variety of entertainment that makes it one of Florida’s top-ranked nightspots.

Founded by Vicente Martinez-Ybor as a cigar-manufacturing center, Ybor City today is one of only two National Historic Landmark Districts in Florida. Red brick buildings, wrought iron balconies and narrow brick streets give it an old-world charm that is a refreshing change of pace from the beach and the mall.”

Oh it’s an exotic blend of aromas all right. Having lived in New Orleans, I can say Ybor ain’t no French Quarter. It is fairly dirty and sleazy and dangerous, in parts, but that old Nawlins magic ain’t happenin.’ Oh jeez, maybe I’ll get on the interwebs and find a husband on daddyhunt or silverdaddies :) (JK)
JK: just kidding for older folks

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A Little Social Work Love For Me

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A Little Social Work Love For Me

My friend Melissa gave me some social work shine on the facebook today :)

Melissa Ann – John Jernigan

Today Directions had an all case management meeting. Our supervisor gave John this award, the Champion Award. She explained that she gave him the award for a couple of reasons: For one thing, he keeps the office laughing and in a good mood telling jokes and making fun of people, but also because he has been working some tough cases, with difficult teenagers mostly, and he has kept his cool. He has also been driving one of his teens daily across the Howard Frankland to Tampa and back to Clearwater, so that the teen can remain in his same school. Congrats, you funny little fella !

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Fargo & Fargo

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Alternate tile: I Want to Have Martin Freeman’s Baby

A fantastically clever and well-written movie, now a soon to be released series on FX, starring Billy Bob Thornton and Martin Freeman…John Jernigan-Freeman

Oh Yeah, You Betcha!

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A Confused 51-Year Old’s Wannabe Hipster OKCupid Profile

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A Confused 51-Year Old's Wannabe Hipster OKCupid Profile

I admit I have an OKCupid profile…have never had any luck on there, except once, with this cute little music professor from Orlando. I occasionally log in and peruse the profiles. I came across one that really caught my attention, for several reasons:

1) Ginger
2) Big black frame glasses
3) 51
4) Allegedly an attorney

Digging deeper into his profile, I think he was maybe trying too hard to be all ironic and hipster Williamsburg dude. His older pictures are not as thought out as his most recent pic. Below is his descriptive, which I do think is very clever:

My self-summary
I am just me. It’s all very complicated. But it’s not who you are underneath, it’s what you do that defines you. Look, it’s all a bit technical, but the important thing is that *my* company’s future is secure. (I know it’s from Batman Begins, but the average homo wouldn’t).

The other reasons I think the profile is cute is that he lists Coldplay as a favorite, also Titanic and Braveheart. Has to be all hipster ironic, right? Well to make a short, sad story short, I did message him, twice, and was ignored…how ironical. I’ll just be alone forever and ever I guess :(

Personality

About personality traits
Personality traits are based on answers to Match Questions as compared to the OkCupid population.

For example, A Confused 51-Year Old Wannabe Hipster appears to be more friendly to strangers than gay men his age.
He might be
More Friendly To Strangers
More Giving
More Adventurous
More Sex-Driven
More Kinky
More Confident
More Arrogant
More Dominant
More Indie
than you.

He might be…
Less Conventionally Moral
Less Experienced In Life
Less Compassionate
Less Old-Fashioned
Less Spiritual
Less Literary
Less Kind
Less Artsy
Worse Mannered
Less Political
Less Independent
Less Optimistic
Less Energetic
than you.

Interested? Go ahead…Send him a message

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Loneliness

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Loneliness

“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. ”
― Pearl S. Buck

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The Good Earth – Pearl S. Buck

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The Good Earth - Pearl S. Buck

An all-time classic, one of my favorites, first read when I was maybe 10 years old. My love of money and desire to own things and be rich made it super interesting to me…sadly, I have no money, don’t own much and sure ain’t rich.

“To eat bread without hope is still slowly to starve to death.”

“Love cannot be forced, love cannot be coaxed and teased. It comes out of heaven, unasked and unsought.”

“Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness.”

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create — so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating.”

“I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in the kindness of human beings. I am so absorbed in the wonder of earth and the life upon it that I cannot think of heaven and angels.”

“Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that never dry up. ”

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Books & Books

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Books & Books

From the Parc Thrift Store in Pinellas Park, hardcovers 50 cents and paperbacks a quarter, including Precious, Running with Scissors, Water for Elephants and The Petting Zoo.

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From the HEP Thrift Store in Clearwater, 25 cents a piece for paperbacks, including the Bears and I, the Reader, To Kill a Mockingbird and one of my all-time favorites, the Good Earth – Pearl S. Buck.

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Frenchie Baby Fights Bedtime

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Bedtime is never easy for anyone, especially when you’re little! This baby Frenchie doth protest, with a funny bark to match! But Mom keeps encouraging baby to get in bed! Watching him climb in with his little legs flopping over each other is ridiculously sweet.

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Brick & Pumped Up Kicks: Abortion & School Shooting

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Two of my favorite songs of the last decade. I would blithely sing along, thinking that Ben was kind of unhappy with his relationship, and that Foster the People had bought some new tennis shoes. Recently I have found out that Brick is about Ben and his girlfriend getting an abortion, and Pumped Up Kicks is about the shooting up of the singer’s school, like Columbine.

Brick
“Up the stairs to the apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They’re not home to find us out
And we drive”

Pumped Up Kicks
“Yeah, he found a six shooter gun in his dad’s closet
hidden with a box of fun things
I don’t even know what but he’s coming for you, yeah, he’s coming for you

All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks you better run, better run faster than my bullet”

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Taco Bell Breakfast

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I was intrigued, and since I am such a foodie and have real refined taste and whatnot, I had two breakfast offerings from Taco Bell this a.m…not sure why I thought their breakfast items would be of higher quality than their regular fare. I am leery of sausage of any kind, subconsciously aware that all the other piggy parts (tails, snouts, feet) are probably ground up to make them. I shudder to think what quality sausage Taco Bell (who boils their meat in bags) was using. Instead I chose a bacon and cheese waffle and a bacon and egg taco, thinking I couldn’t go wrong with bacon: wrong! Taco Bell’s bacon is like bacon bits bacon, little shrivel scrapes of fat and processed meat. The waffle was meh, bacon artificial, and my raggedy little taco didn’t even have cheese…I think you’re safe for now, McDonald’s…actually Hardee’s breakfast is the bestest.

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April Fool’s, a regrettably awkward blunder

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April Fool's, a regrettably awkward blunder

I had this great idea to send messages to four men on the facebook telling them how much I liked them, that I cared about them, that I would would wait on them for “as long as it took”, that I knew they cared about me, and finally that I was in their city and wanted to hookup asap. Brilliant, right? Of these 4 guys, three are in relationships and the 4th is…eccentric. Here is my message to them:

“Hi GUYS NAME, I know it’s been a while since we had any communication. I just wanted to tell you that I still like you a lot, and I miss you. I feel like we had a real connection, and you are still the most adorable guy that I have ever seen…so 100% just my type. In my own way, I had such a true crush on you, and actually started to care about you. I get the impression that you really liked me too, I know you did, and I think you would easily start to care about me if you allow yourself the opportunity. Listen, I am coming to Ft. Lauderdale/Birmingham/Pensacola this weekend and I really, really would love to hook up with you. I would love to have you come spend the night with me here, anytime you drive over/down. I hope we can make a true “love connection” and I’m prepared to wait on you, for as long as it takes! You should also buy a copy of my book, after all, you have your own chapter (I used GUYS 1st Name Last Initial when describing you)…have a good day handsome yours truly, seriously YOURS TRULY John Jernigan

Sounds pretty good, right? Not so much…

My 1st guy, who I actually did develop an online crush/affection for last year, messaged me back with the quickness! “Hey guy! Awww, so nice! Are you here through Sunday? I have to go see my dad this weekend, won’t be back until late Sunday” He had his escape plan ready to roll!

The 2nd guy, the cutest little fella that ever lived, responded “i was and am at a bit of a loss for words… very flattered of course…” When I messaged him back later with April Fool’s he didn’t respond, just ignored me

Guy #3, my smart, distinguished and eccentric friend, replied “Hey John, glad to hear all is well. I’m moving to Savannah, GA within the month, Stay in touch. ” Glad to hear all is well? I just told you I was smitten and stuff…you responded with well sorry leaving the state :(

The 4th, and final, guy’s response was sad and truly made me realize the mistake this April Fool’s attempt at funny was. This sweet fella, let’s call him “Beth”, is smart and sweet and also the first and only man my age that I have ever shared uhh physical affection with…I sent him my message, no response, nothing. At around 10 p.m. I logged into the facebook to wish him an April Fool’s and: he had unfriended me! I can’t even tell him it was a prank, whatever he did he really did, like he disappeared entirely to me, he made himself invisible, even in searches. I hope he will read this and understand I was just trying to be funny, as usual. What’s not funny and is actually kind of sad is that I would love to have any of these 4 beautiful men for my own…but I will likely always be alone, trying to be funny and trying to make everyone laugh, while I just want to cry.

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April Fool’s, a small success

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April Fool's, a small success

This year I made the effort to celebrate this holy holiday, with a couple of different facebook posts. Here is my first post:

I want to say Thank you! to all 27 of you who bought my book for $3.99 on Amazon :( I have some fantastic news, I signed a contract with a $15,000 advance from Random House for my soon-to-be-published 2nd offering, Giggle, which should be released by summer.

Nancy, Brenda, Anna and 41 others like this.

Jamie: Ok….if this is an April Fool’s joke…it ain’t funny. If it is not…Congratulations!!!!!!
April 1 at 9:25am · Unlike · 2

Pamela: No one in their right mind would give you $15,000 in ‘advance’
April 1 at 9:34am · Unlike · 3

Glen: GREAT NEWS JOHN!!! I knew it would Blow Up for You!
April 1 at 10:22am · Unlike · 1

June: If this is another one of your jokes I am done with you!
April 1 at 11:12am · Unlike · 4

June: You have to understand my doubts. You have tricked me MANY times before!

Me, late that night:
April Fool’s Bitches!

John Jernigan: Sadly, this is an April Fool’s Post! I really just wanted to put it out there that less than 30 of my facebook friends have purchased my book, reminding you that the Kindle app is FREE for any cell phone and my book costs $3.99 A publishing house did tell me that if I could self promote and sell 1000 copies or so, they would likely pay for a 5000 book press: only have to sell like 920 more :(

The good news is that through guilt or clever marketing or whatever, 8 copies were bought in the next 2 days…bringing my sales total to like 53 :(

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11 Cruising Barnes Nobles

7 Career Prostitute

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Dan Buckley

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Dan Buckley

Dan Buckley, president and publisher of Marvel Entertainment, is No. 1 on the ‘Bleeding Cool Magazine” Top 100 Power List.

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R.I.P. Frankie Knuckles, Godfather of House Music

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R.I.P. Frankie Knuckles,

Frankie Knuckles (January 18, 1955 – March 31, 2014) was an American DJ, record producer, and remixer. He was born Francis Nicholls in the Bronx borough of New York City and later moved to Chicago. He played an important role in developing and popularizing house music in Chicago during the 1980′s, when the genre was in its infancy. In 2005, Knuckles was inducted into the Dance Music Hall of Fame for his achievements.
Due to his importance in the development of the genre, Knuckles was often known as “The Godfather of House Music”, and the city of Chicago named a stretch of street and a day after Knuckles in 2004.

Favorite mixes of his for me were “The Whistle Song”, “Baby Wants to Ride” and Alison Limerick’s “Where Love Lives.”

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Mississippi, Georgia, or Sweet Home Alabama?

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Mississippi, Georgia, or Sweet Home Alabama?

Maters, Taters & Qcomeburs

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