Jameis Winston Still Skrong Den!

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Bessemer Alabama’s finest Jameis Winston suspended for 1st half of Saturday’s game with Clemson after climbing up on a table in the school cafeteria and yelling this Wheel of Fortune saying…he can’t read either, mildly retarded :(

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Fort Lauderdale’s Finest Flea Market

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The Swap Shop Flea Market on Sunrise. I have come to realize that the success you have at this flea market depends mostly on your energy level, having the willingness to dig in and pick through piles of mainly junk, and then having the negotiation skills to barter with those sharks (Haitian and Jamaican women). *btw, old Haitian women do not like to have their pictures taken, at all

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I don’t exactly know what these people were selling or doing, but it was real busy and they were whispering and it looked shady, so I went over there and took their picture, and I said Aha, I got you!

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My lone purchase, a $2 Powerpuff girl for Squeak, well this and a cold Coco Frio (sadly still tasted like nasty salty coconut water)

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Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See – Busta Rhymes

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Hit you with no delayin so what you sayin yo? (uh)
Silly with my nine milli, what the deally yo? (what?)
When I be on the mic yes I do my duty yo
Wild up in the club like we wild in the stud-io (uh)
You don’t wanna VIOLATE nigga really and truly yo (uh)
My main thug nigga named Julio he moody yo (what?)
Type of nigga that’ll slap you with the tool-io (blaow!)
Bitch nigga scared to death, act fruity yo (uh)
Fuck that! Look at shorty, she a little cutie yo (yeah)
The way she shake it make me wanna get all in the booty yo (whoo!)
Top miss, just hit the bangin bitches in videos (huh?)
Whylin with my freak like we up in the freak shows (damn)
Hit you with the shit make you feel it all in your toes (yeah)
Hot shit got all you niggaz in wet clothes (take it off)
Stylin my metaphors when I formulate my flows (uh)
If you don’t know you fuckin with lyrical player pros, like that

Do you really wanna party with me?
Let me see just what you got for me
Put all your hands where my eyes can see
Straight buckwhilin in the place to be
If you really wanna party with me
Let me see just what you got for me
Put all your hands where my eyes can see
Straight buckwhilin in the place to be

If you really wanna party with me.. In God We Trust (what?)
Yo it’s a must that you heard of us yo we murderous (uh!)
A lot of niggaz is wonderin and they furious (what?)
How me and my niggaz do it, it’s so mysterious (that’s true)
Furious, all of my niggaz is serious (huh!)
Shook niggaz be walkin around fearin us (what?)
Front nigga, like you don’t wanna be hearin us (no!)
Gotta listen to hot radio yo be playin us (ahh)
Thirty time a day shit’ll make you delirious (what?)
Damaging everything all up in your areas
Yo it’s funny how all the chickens be always servin us
All up in between they ass where they wanna carry us (what!)
Hitcha good then I hit em off with the alias (what?)
Various, chickens they wanna marry us (hah)
Yo it’s Flipmode my nigga you know we bout to bust! (uh!)
Seven figure money the label preparin us
Bite the dust, instead of you, makin a fuss (what?)
Niggaz know better cause there ain’t no comparin us (nope)
Mad at us, niggaz is never, we fabulous (yup!)
Hit my people off with the flow that be marvelous (hah!)
Ho-shit, my whole click victorious (yup!)
Takin no prisoners niggaz is straight up warriors (what?)
While you feelin that I know you be feelin so glorious (uh)
Then I blitz and reminisce on my nigga Notorious

Homosexuals May Be The Genetic Carriers of Mankind’s Rare Altruistic Impulses

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“Homosexuals May Be The Genetic Carriers of Mankind’s Rare Altruistic Impulses in Their Creativity” – E.O. Wilson

Leonardo da Vinci. Michelangelo, Socrates, John Jernigan

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Food Comps From the Hard Rock Casino

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I’m leaving for Miami, so I had to use up all of my food comps at the Hard Rock… I have rotisserie chicken, salisbury steak, penne pasta, a roasted pork Cuban, a barbecue beef sandwich with macaroni and cheese on it, a BBQ chicken pizza and my favorite macaroni and cheese balls with cheese sauce.

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As for desserts, a chocolate cupcake, vanilla cupcake, butterscotch cupcake, black and white brownie, apple crumb cake, biscotti, cookies and cream whoopie pie and a caramel macchiato whoopie pie.

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I’m Leaving, again

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I have made some great friends in St. Petersburg, and Tampa, and Clearwater, and Largo, and Pinellas Park, and Bradenton, and all around the area. But I have made great friends in other places I’ve lived as well (love you Ashley and Kelli) and it appears I can only outrun my unhappiness for a short time. A gypsy I am, and a gypsy I’ll be. I always think I’ll be happier somewhere else, things will be better, I will find someone to love me. I know this is true because stupid, stupid me has kind of fallen in love with 2 different guys I only know (or thought I knew) from the internet…how you doin’, Mr. C and Mr. O? I so very much want that knight in shining armor, that winning lottery ticket, that beautiful baby, that man who looks at me like maybe I am magic. I applied for jobs in Atlanta and Miami, and Miami called first, so I’m headed south, running away from my mental health, trying to be happy again, if only for a while.

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Tom of Finland & VHS porn

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The gay-owned and themed motel I stayed in last weekend in Dania Beach had Tom of Finland prints on the walls and VCR/VHS porn tapes in the laundry room.

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Flea Market Funday

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I always catch deals, know when things are half price, get the hookup. It’s almost like stealing, having my skill set at the Swap Shop, the biggest flea market in the world, in Broward County.

3 12-foot retractable leashes for the dogs, a Tinker Bell collar and a bulldog coffeee mug, all from Petsmart, $1 each, $5 total. The leashes still had the clearance price of $15.27 each on them.

Vitamins, Fish Oil, Fiber, Acai Berry, Men’s and Energy dietary supplements, 2 for $1, $5 total, vitamins and fiber for months!

*the sketchy guy who sold me the Petsmart stuff told me he dug it out of their dumpster, and all of the vitamins were expired, but I’m cool with that

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Introducing Pets

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My friend Melissa has a one-legged Australian Shepherd named Maverick and a deaf cat named Romeo, who’s kind of a creeper. One night last week we decided to introduce our babies to each other. Maverick did bark a little as we got near, but only because he was excited, as he is a GOOD dog. He kind of rushed up to sniff Cricket, who doesn’t like to be crowded, so she growled and lunged for his face. I jerked her back just in time, because if they fought Maverick would probably kick her ass, three legs or not. My baby Squeak was so good, she and Maverick ran around Melissa’s apartment and played and had a good time. She tried to befriend Romeo, by laying down on her stomach and being submissive, but was ignored. Squeak in no way tried to attack Romeo, in fact she liked him. Curious then that when Cricket and Squeak are out on a walk they go crazy when they see a cat, Cricket will literally choke herself straining on the leash to try and get at it. Since Cricket killed a cat in 2012 and they are her enemies, I had to hold her the entire time, not easy with her weighing 33 pounds and shaking and struggling and whining to get to Romeo. I think it’s the wolf and pitbull in Cricket that makes her act that way.
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A Little Stinker

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I’m the taxi cab driver for what I will call a precocious 4 year old. In addition to taking ALL the selfies of himself with my phone, devouring a Happy Meal, ice cream sundae and orange juice, he tried to run away from me out into the parking lot. Unfortunately he seems to have gone to the bathroom at some point today and not wiped himself properly. He definitely is a little stinky, but he will stay that way, I’m not changing him or nothing… ain’t nobody got time for that!

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the Loteria

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*a glimpse into the life of a 3rd ward hustler, who might be a little off in the head

On Sunday afternoon I was at Publix making some groceries, and I bought 5 $2 Loteria lottery scratch offs. When I scratched, I hit $20. I drive back to Publix, not to cash in my money but to buy $40 of Loteria tickets. At the crib, I scratch and hit 3 or 4 small wins, totaling $46. I return to Publix, not to cash in my winnings, but to buy more. This time I buy 50 of the $2 Loteria tickets and 20 $5 20x pay scratch offs. I’m gettin’ ready to blow up, 3rd ward Magnolia ya heard? I start to scratch, and scratch, and scratch, and I gots nothing. I horrifically won $8 on $100 of the Loteria tickets. I move on to the 20x pay, I know they gonna win for sure. I scratch and scratch and scratch, this is some bullcorn. I win $22 on the $100 of 20x tickets. My $200 investment has netted me $30…and my child support is due! They gonna have to garnish my wage again :(

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Dumpster Diving for the Classics

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I found these VHS tapes in the dumpster behind the Metro Thrift Store. I was walking the dogs, not just randomly digging through garbage. O Brother, Where Art Thou? and As Good As It Gets are both classics, in fact one of my catch phrases that I say to whoever is in earshot (while looking around at my shabby office or apartment and shaking my head) is “What if this is as good as it gets?”
I am giving these treasures to my beautiful young friend Melissa, for 2 reasons:
1. She has a VCR, like a unicorn
2. I try not to dig too far into her past, but she is 25 years old and has never seen E.T. or Forrest Gump or any movies all human beings, and babies, have seen. She will love George Clooney and Jack Nicholson in these roles, I’m kinda like a gay cultural attache or sumthin’…next week, I’ll train my 20-something year-old girlfriends on poppers

*I almost got a Brussels Griffon after seeing Verdell

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Flea Market Sunday

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My Wagon Wheel flea market purchases:

A raccoon $4
8 travel size and 1 regular toothpaste $3
dented tortilla Pringles 50 cents
hot cinnamon sugar almonds $3
canvas/painting in a good frame, to be provided to one of my emerging artists to paint over $5
CVS generic Tylenol 50 cents
Red sunglasses $1 (I think they Versace)

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