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Lowbacca or “Lowie” was a Wookiee Jedi Knight during the Yuuzhan Vong War. Lowbacca was born to Kallabow and Mahraccor, with his mother Kallabow being the sister of the famous Rebel hero Chewbacca. He studied at Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Praxeum and was a companion of Jaina Solo, Jacen Solo and Tenel Ka. He wielded a bronze-bladed lightsaber. Lowbacca was to Jaina Solo what Chewbacca was to her father Han Solo, best friend and lifelong companion, except the force is strong in Lowbacca, and Jaina Solo would become the Sword of the Jedi, as powerful as her uncle Luke. Being a Wookiee, Lowbacca was a rarity among Jedi, as Force-sensitives were even less common among Wookiees than among other species, one being born only every century or so.

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Jaina & Jacen Solo, Lowbacca, Tenel Ka, Anakin Solo (younger brother), Tahiri, and Zekk (The droid is Em-Teedee)

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Lowbacca & Jaina Solo

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Lowbacca & Em-Teedee

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Lowbacca with Han & Leia’s twins, Jaina & Jacen Solo (Jacen would become the Sith Lord Darth Cadeus)

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The Solo/Skywalker Family Tree

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lil baby Lowie

Keane – Sovereign Light Café (Afrojack Remix)


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For my new British friend Craig

I didn’t know I was finding out how I’d be torn from you
When we talked about things we were gonna do
We were wide-eyed dreamers and wiser too

We’d go down to the rides on east parade,
By the lights of the palace arcade
And watch night coming down on the Sovereign Light Café

I’m begging you for some sign, but you’ve still got nothing to say
Don’t turn your back on me, don’t walk away
I’m a better man now than I was that day.

Let’s go down to the rides on east parade,
By the lights of the palace arcade
And watch night coming down on the Sovereign Light Café

Beautiful Boy – David Sheff


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Beautiful Boy – a father’s journey through his son’s addiction to crystal meth

I found the most interesting parts of this story to be when the father described parenting his two younger children, second-guessing himself and constantly worrying that he was the primary caregiver of a child who became a meth addict.

“Through Nic’s drug addiction, I have learned that parents can bear almost anything….I shock myself with my ability to rationalize and tolerate things once unthinkable. The rationalizations escalate….It’s only marijuana. He gets high only on weekends. At least he’s not using hard drugs….At least it’s not heroin. He would never resort to needles. At least he’s alive.”

“An alcoholic will steal your wallet and lie to you. A drug addict will steal your wallet and then help you look for it.”

“Anyone who has lived through it, or those who are now living through it, knows that caring about an addict is as complex and fraught and debilitating as addiction itself.”

“Along with the joy of parenthood, with every child comes a piercing vulnerability. It is at once sublime and terrifying”

“But here’s the rub of addiction. By its nature, people afflicted are unable to do what, from the outside, appears to be a simple solution—don’t drink. Don’t use drugs. In exchange for that one small sacrifice, you will be given a gift that other terminally ill people would give anything for: life.”

“In his suicide note, Kurt Cobain wrote, “It’s better to burn out than to fade away.” He was quoting a Neil Young song about Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. When I was twenty-four, I interviewed John Lennon. I asked him about this sentiment, one that pervades rock and roll. He took strong, outraged exception to it. “It’s better to fade away like an old soldier than to burn out, ” he said. “I worship people who survive. I’ll take the living and the healthy.”

“I tried everything I could to prevent my son’s fall into meth addiction. It would have been no easier to have seen him strung out on heroin or cocaine, but as every parent of a meth addict comes to learn, this drug has a unique, horrific quality. In an interview, Stephan Jenkins, the singer in Third Eye Blind, said that meth makes you feel “bright and shiny.” It also makes you paranoid, delusional, destructive, and self-destructive. Then you will do unconscionable things in order to feel bright and shiny again.”

I Was Solicited for the Gay Prostitution


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I WILL prostitute, okay? I was just walking the dogs down Washington Ave minding my own business when this man walked up on me. Here is our conversation word for word: him: hey how are you doing tonight me: okay him: i’ve seen you out walking with your precious dogs, don’t you dribble a basketball around South Beach sometimes also? me: yes him: if you wanted to come back to my apartment for a cocktail or something there is $100 in it for you I looked him up and down with the quickness : he is Jewish but not in a good way, more like concentration camp survivor. He is maybe 65 years old and looks vaguely immuno-suppressed. I am broke as hell basically financially destitute however I just can’t see myself doing anything with him. me: no thank you I have to get home have to go to work c’mon Cricket! And I ran up out of there! When I look back he is walking away, so I follow behind him and shoot a 10 second video, so everyone can see my potential as a high-priced escort, ya heard?

Cricket is My Lesbian Bitch Wingman


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Whenever I have the dogs on leash, I use Cricket to get some cute men’s attention. I say “Get em Cricket” and she runs her little fat butt up right next to the guy and matches him stride for stride. If the guy is gay he will stop and pet her and then I bust a move. She did really good with this guy, even touching him on his leg with her nose, but he just gave her a cold German look and kept walking. A fine-ass German look though ‪#‎southbeachwelcomewagon‬ ‪#‎complimentaryoralwithpassport‬

I Want a Husband, please


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I’ve cut out ice cream and I’ve been playing basketball almost every day. I have lost 20 pounds, and almost almost have a six-pack. I have a dating profile on OKCupid, and I have been on a few dates in Miami and Fort Lauderdale…that stunk. I have also had my fair share of the gay sex (including great fun with the OCD schoolteacher from Wilton Manors who took these pics). I am ready to be swept off my feet, somebody love me!

*ain’t my flower collections in my glamour shots





Old Lady Stealing From the Flea Market


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Sometimes she puts whatever she’s stealing in her head wrap, but mostly she uses her partner in crime, this banjee girl, to distract the stall owner while she slips stuff all sneaky like


They caught me taking their picture and the old lady got loud and was yelling at me. I should’ve told her to shut the hell up before I snitch and mess her game up, but I was a little bit afraid, she is dressed all in white and might be a Haitian vodou preistess.

Haitian Vodou[1][2][3] (/ˈvoʊduː/, French: [vodu], also written as Vaudou;[4][5] /ˈvoʊduː/ Vodun[6][7] or Vodoun[6][8] /ˈvoʊduːn/; and Voodoo /ˈvuːduː/) is a syncretic[9] religion practiced chiefly in Haiti and the Haitian diaspora. Practitioners are called “vodouists” or “servants of the spirits”

Turning Tables – Heather & Rose MacDowell


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A great little story about a twenty-something who lost her job in marketing, and bullshitted her way into waiting tables at a Michelin-starred fine dining restaurant, without knowing the nomenclature.

1. Soup is considered a beverage and should be served and cleared from the right like other beverages.
2. A cocktail is never more full than when it’s dropped.
3. Never ask why (try not to even think it). Say “Of Course” or “I’ll attend to it immediately.”
4. The handle of a teacup is called the “ear” and should be placed at the 4 o’clock position to the right of the guest.
Do: Treat the busboys like a rich old aunt. If you’re nice to them you stand to make a lot more money.
Don’t: Check your tip in view of the dining room. Get mad later, in private.
Do: Channel your inner psych nurse and use a soothing voice with rude guests.
Don’t: Be honest if anyone asks how you like working at Roulette. You love what you do and plan to stay forever, right?
Never: Refold a guest’s napkin and put it back on the table. Replace the used napkin with a fresh one.
Always: Thank your lucky stars. You could be selling ladies shoes at JC Penney or trimming trees in Oklahoma in December.

“The fish special this evening is roasted monkfish with crispy shallots, mache emulsion, and an eggplant and Black Zebra tomato napoleon. The grill selection is a 10 ounce ribeye. It’s organic, free range, slaughtered humanely, and dry aged at high altitude. We will be serving it with a Jerusalem artichoke gratin and red pepper jus. Both specials are $42.”

Dr. Bernitz flips a few pages of the wine list before glancing up.
“How’s the fish tonight?”
“Flown in this morning, sir” Cato says crisply. “If you’re interested in seafood I suggest the wild salmon.”
“It has a firm texture and rich flavor that goes perfectly with chef’s caramelized ginger-shallot broth.” “Interesting, let’s hear about the lobster.”
This is the beginning of a 10 minute dance that is less a customer-waiter exchange than a subtle negotiation between adversaries.
“Where do the blood oranges in the relish come from?” asks the doctor, clearly enjoying the challenge.
Cato looks as if he might yawn. “Andalusia, Spain by way of 737.”
“You don’t happen to know who makes this china, do you?
“Chef had it designed exclusively for Roulette by Arte Italica. If you turn it over, you’ll see his signature. Of course I wouldn’t recommend doing that with a full plate” Cato laughed lightly.
“My mother would love a set, can you arrange that?”
“Just leave me her address and she should have it by Monday morning, unless she would prefer afternoon delivery. in
“Do any of the ingredients come from countries that use child labor?” the doctor says, gazing over the freesia at his wife. Martina needs to know before we order.”
“That’s why I memorize the menu” Cato tells me when we’re away from the table. “Not to make Gina happy, not to make money. To put assholes in their place.”

Diary of a Lost Boy – Harry Kondoleon


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a diary

Meet Hector, a beautiful A-list Chelsea party boy, complete with six-pack, street smarts and Upper West Side bff.
Meet Hector, body ravaged by AIDS, wearing caftans with pockets full of Kleenex, saying goodbye to his last T-cells, facing his death with humor and grace, trying (unsuccessfully) to find detachment.

“My new psychiatrist says gay babies need a erotic/romantic relationship with their fathers such as straight babies have with their mothers, but since the likelihood of the gay babies getting such paternal affection is slim, they grow up the way they do.”

“TV Guide was harassing me about getting their empty guide to emptiness. Threats from creditors filled the mailbox. I scrawled on the back of one “I did not order TV Guide because I never would and I never will. I am ill and you are harassing me, desist!” Jury duty notices? I scrawled across the jittery forms “AIDS!AIDS!AIDS!AIDS!”

Listen then to this wonder! How wonderful it is to be both outside and inside, to seize and to be seized, to see and at the same time be what is seen, to hold and to be held – that is the goal where the spirit remains at rest, united with our dear eternity – Meister Eckhart

Sunlight – the Magician


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A sweet little tune that DJ’s are playing for the gays. Either Tracy Young or Tom Stephan was spinning it at Genesis on Washington New Year’s morning…all that is a little blurry.

John’s Favorite Songs of 2014


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1. Take Me To Church – Hozier
2. Let Her Go – Passsenger
3. Stolen Dance – Milky Chance
4. Prayer in C – Lily Wood
5. The Hanging Tree – James Howard & Jernnifer Lawrence

Demons – Imagine Dragons
All About That Bass – Meghan Trainor
Habits – Tov Love
The Heart Wants What it Wants – Selena Gomez
Red Eyes – The War on Drugs
Bailando – Enrique Iglesias
Chandelier – Sia
Two Weeks – FKA Twigs
Seasons – Future Islands
Never Catch Me – Flying Lotus
No Fun – The Presets
Sunlight – The Magician
Night Changes – One Direction (haters gonna hate, but I love this song, reminds me of 70’s folk)
Slave to Love – Bryan Ferry (definitely not new, but one of my all-time favorites. I was delighted to hear it playing throughout thesce ne where Finn Wittrock picks up and then murders Matt Bomer, who was playing a gay prostitute in American Horror Story Freakshow).

Paper Planes – M.I.A.


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My favorite song of 2007

Sometimes I think sitting on trains
Every stop I get to, I’m clocking that game
Everyone’s a winner, we’re making our fame
Bona fide hustler making my name

Swap Shop Flea Market $21


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3 rolls of paper towels: $1


Truvia: $2


silver colander: $1


2 medium toothbrushes: $1


Mischief t-shirt: 50 cents


grey camo shorts: 50 cents


Edge shave gel: $1


Florida Gator mug: 50 cents, and in the words of the immortal Jay Cutler “don’t care” Roll Tide


Ricola cough drops 50 cents


Folgers Gourmet light roast coffe: $2 By the way, the LIGHTER the roast the more caffeine remains, people think they have to order dark roast or espresso and the caffeine is backward from that


hamburger dill chips, for frying: $1


Lebron 9’s: $10 gently worn, don’t judge!


Fresh pineapple & watermelon: $4


Lots of wigs


Prayer in C – Lily Wood & the Prick


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Yeah, you never said a word
You didn’t send me no letter
Don’t think I could forgive you

See our world is slowly dying
I’m not wasting no more time
Don’t think I could believe you

Yeah, our hands will get more wrinkled
And our hair will be grey
Don’t think I could forgive you

Same Old Lang Syne


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for Talmage

“Just for a moment I was back at school, and felt that old familiar pain
and as I turned to make my way back home, the snow turned into rain”

Boys of Life – Paul Russell


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A sleazily well-written gay Lolita, with an gay alcoholic 16-year from Kentucky as our protagonist. Reading it as teenager years ago, I remember being shocked and turned on, a little repulsed and a lot impressed. I just picked it up again, reading it in one marathon 4-hour jaunt. It has stood the test of time quite well, still a little creepy but like all of Russell’s books grabs your attention and keeps it. Paul Russell is one of my favorite authors, in addition to Boys of Life other great reads of his include The Salt Point, Sea of Tranquility, War Against the Animals and The Coming Storm.



Paul Russell quotes:
“Just because you pretend the universe doesn’t have teeth doesn’t mean you won’t get eaten in the end”

“I’ll put it to you simply: love is the enemy. That’s my conclusion. We should all live in our little monk cells and never venture out”

“Waiting, he thought, was the most miserable condition a man could find himself in. His whole life, he had been waiting for one thing or another”

“He wanted to toast mad idealism, forbidden desires, the dreams that drove one to criminal acts. He wanted, quite starkly, oblivion”

“When he got a story urge, there was nothing to do but grab a pen and write. Otherwise it was too much like getting a hard-on and not jerking off”

A Jedi Foodie & whatnot


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I’m a Jedi foodie, my cultured and refined palate likes some Lime Cucumber Gatorade, Cinnamon Sugar Pringles and potted meat (it’s BOTH chicken and pork meats, ya heard). Banana Goliath, hot-off-the-grill arepas, pinkberry chocolate hazelnut with strawberry and mango boba, I am a culinary master. #gordonswife John-Jernigan Ramsay






Flea Marketin’ For the Ladies $20


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The White Party was last weekend, Art Basel is this whole week, and the Book of Mormon is about to start a weeklong run…sadly, budgetary constraints and the Man keeping me down will not allow me to enjoy these fun things that homosexuals like. I can still go flea market shopping though, look at all my Treasure! From the Swap Shop in Fort Lauderdale, ya heard?

A pound puppy monkey, a old chimpanzee Curious George? monkey, and Po the Teletubbie (George stunk and burst when I put him in the wash) $1 each, $3


Tupac and Gina Cascone memoirs, 50 cents each, $1 #tupacisalive


Total toothpastes, $1 each, $3


A black cat that Cricket has already halfway murdered $1


2 pink harnesses, one is Martha Stewart, $1 each, $2


A pair of 5 pound barbells, so i’ll be all swole and have muscles, $1


2 George Foreman grills, $1 each, $2 and both work fine!


A Cupcake Brown memoir and A Beginner’s Guide to Martial Arts, 50 cents each, $1


a baking pan $1


3 boxes of Nag Champa $5 I haven’t burned Nag Champa for quite a while, and my luck has been crappy…maybe burning it again will change my karma or something


*not pictured: 2 Mountain Dews, a sesame cake, a grape snow cone, a corn dog and 2 arepas

Dash Miami – french bulldog review


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1 be

Dash Yo!
Cricket’s observations:

“They ain’t got nuthin’ for us big girls.”

“I only like the big one” (she’s talking about Khloe).

“Me and Lamar smoked a rock together in 2009, at In & Out on Crenshaw.”

“The finest bitch outta of all them is the white one” (Bruce, Cricket, her name is Bruce).

1 bf

1 bg

1 bh

1 bi

1 bd

Cricket has always represnted for the big girls


National Adoption Day


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National Adoption Day was 11/21/14. We had our adoption finalizations at the Miami Children’s Museum, and all of the dependency Judges had their own museum/courtrooms. I only had one little nugget adopted this year.






some of my angels from previous National Adoption Days #sameshirtaslastyear





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