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It’s Tuesday around 4:30 p.m. and stupid me has gotten trapped in the rush-hour snarl of traffic that is N Federal/Sunrise/Broward to 95. I am singing along with the radio, Take That’s “Back for Good” which is embarrassing enough to admit, when I feel someone’s eyes on me. I immediately stop singing. A man is staring back and down at me from a generic SUV of some kind. He is cute…well cute to me. Admittedly my taste in men is most particular and unique and discerning : Michael Emerson, Chris Parnell, Jesse Tyler Ferguson…Atticus Finch…Father Mulcahy…Tim Gunn…Jack Coleman…Donald Rumsfield…? see, my list could go wrong, wrong at any time!!

This guy looks like a 40-something Jim Boeheim, which is good (to me). He is cruising me so hard, flat-out staring. I stare back and smile, give him a little wave. We inch along in traffic. Throw me something mister. Jim points at me, makes a circle with his left hand, opens his mouth and bobs his head up and down. WTF?! I am a little stunned. I mean things are understood, implied, negotiated…but this guy, I’m embarrassed for him, and for me. What should I do? I mean, he’s nerdy cute, waspy, glasses…but he has the nerve to offer me a blowjob, without a word spoken, just sitting in traffic, so…

In an effort to be the bigger person and maybe get a blowjob, I’m gonna carpe diem! this moment. I roll down my passenger side window and Jim does likewise.

Me: “How you doing?”

Jim: Nods his head

Me: “You maybe want to get a cup of coffee or something at the Starbucks up on Federal & Broward?”

Jim: Shakes his head, No, and holds up his left hand, showing me his wedding ring. Then he rolls his window up and starts intently watching traffic, good day

So Jim was more than willing to perform that most special act that us gay mens is famous for, any ole place I assume, at Winn-Dixie or his backseat or in a 7-Eleven bathroom…but can’t risk anyone seeing his ignorant ass sitting with me at Starbucks?

That’s okay, I mean Jim obviously found me attractive and alluring as he saw me singing all talented and whatnot…due to my masculinity and manliness and intimidating look, he probably got scared thinking I was all straight and maybe he was in danger of getting gay-bashed or something…I am almost certain no one can tell I am a member of the gay community just by observing me (singing)…right?

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