Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

Most of my holidays have been spent alone, my ex would usually be with his family and since none of them knew about me…I always liked going to Toys-R-Us or the mall on Christmas Eve, the energy and excitement of the crowds, children running and playing and happy, babies crying when they’re put in Santa’s lap, peace on earth and goodwill and all that crap… This evening I went to the Toy-R-Us on N. Federal hoping to find some comfort, or happiness, or optimism or something for myself. In years past I always knew what the trendiest and hottest toys were, in fact last year I bought myself two singamajigs. This year I really wanted an uglydoll or three, but due to budgetary constraints little Johnny isn’t getting anything. I had hoped my toy store trip would lift my spirits, instead my ears turn red, I want to cry, I wipe away a couple of tears and come home. I play Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne” over and over again on the way home. I so desperately want and need someone to love me and take care of me and be mine. I know that’s not fair or right to say…I should be trying to make myself happy, not looking for a man to save me and rescue me and validate me. That’s the problem, I’ve lost my way, not sure I can make me happy, I have lost my swagger and confidence…Is there someone out there for me? A sweet little fella to share Christmas with? Looks like ain’t no Christmas miracle happenin’ this year…ImageImageImage

Advertisements