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If anybody out there is secretly in love with me, speak up, carpe diem or something. I am ready to be a domestic partner, homemaker, boo, other half, rent boy, stalked, apple of your eye, whatever…I want to do things. I want to go to the Renaissance festival…to a Yankees spring game…to Adventure Island…to Jersey Boys…to Aziz Ansari…to the Warhol exhibit at the Dali…to Bone-Thugs-n-Harmony (just kidding)…to Megacon…to the Ultra Music Festival…to some Buc’s games…to Rooster & the Till…the Gasparilla International Film Festival is this weekend! Oh, the humanity…

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