I spend my holidays with my family, so obviously alone…here is my awesome Thanksgiving dinner
This white boy had every song on Licensed to Ill memorized. At the end of their concert in Birmingham, a huge inflatable penis came up through the stage. My friend Trey’s mother (who was already pissed because of all the cursing) rushed us up outta there (cursing).
Brass Monkey and Paul Revere, that was my jams, yo
@thejohnjernigan, Alabama, Alabama Crimson Tide, atlanta, buy John's book $3.99 on Amazon, dating, french bulldog, funny, funny pics, gay, humor, Lane Kiffin, LGBT, love, Nick Saban, pets, relationships, sex, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay
@thejohnjernigan, AIDS, Alabama, atlanta, Birmingham, buy John's book $3.99, Cruising, dating, Dead or Alive, drag queen, Erasure, funny, gay, gay dating, homo, humor, LGBT, Looking Hbo, new wave, queer, relationships, sex, the 80's, transgender
16 years old, cruising Highland Park in Birmingham’s Southside, singing along with Dead or Alive and Erasure, searching for a distinguished gentleman: so so GAY! and criminal?
“The other night a close friend told me
Never let my heart fall into careless hands
I said,”Thanks, that’s very nice, appreciate your good advice
But things don’t always go the way that I planned”
“I try to discover
A little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
I’m so in love with you
I’ll be forever blue
That you give me no reason
Why you’re making me work so hard
That you give me no
Soul, I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me”
80's hip hop, Alabama, Alpine, atlanta, Birmingham, buy John's book, Childersburg, dating, Dead or Alive, Erasure, gay, Goin' Back to CaliLL Cool J, Harpersville, hip hop, LGBT, Munford, Mustang GT, My Posse's on Broadway, Pell City, queer, rap, relationships, Rockford Fosgate, Sir Mix a Lot, Sycamore, Sylacauga, Talladega, Talladega County, the 80's, throwback thursday, throwbackthursday, Vincent, Winterboro
My first 2 cars were a Mustang GT and a Chevy Blazer…and there was a time that I had that bass, ya heard? I had them Alpine 12’s and them Rockford Fosgate 15’s, booming all over Talladega County…bumpin’ Sir Mix a Lot in Childersburg, Sylacauga, Alpine, Winterboro, Harpersville, Talladega, Munford, Pell City, Vincent and Sycamore. When I started having “adventures” in Birmingham and Atlanta, 80’s hip hop was replaced by Dead or Alive and Erasure.
“I’m callin’ up the posse, it’s time to get rippin’
The freaks need a sunroof, to keep you sucka’s trippin’
Everybody’s lookin’, if your jealous turn around-
The AMG kick keeps us closer to the ground
we’re gettin’ good grip from the 50 series tires
the Alpine’s bumpin’, but I need the volume higher”
1990, @thejohnjernigan, Alabama, atlanta, buy John's book on Amazon $3.99, culture, daddy issues, dating, funny, gay, high school, high school prom, humor, LGBT, Life, love, memories, perspective, point of view, queer, relationships, sex, teenage crush
Destined to fail for several reasons. She thought she was in love with this weasel-faced guy Jeff, and while I did have feelings for her, I also had a huge crush on her father…how you doin’, Paul?
Alabama, April Fool's, authors, Birmingham, book reviews, books, buy John's book on Amazon $3.99, depression, essays, fort lauderdale, funny, gay, humor, Kindle app is free, Lesbian, LGBT, memoirs, Pensacola, queer, short stories, St. Petersburg, tampa, the gay road less traveled, writers
I had this great idea to send messages to four men on the facebook telling them how much I liked them, that I cared about them, that I would would wait on them for “as long as it took”, that I knew they cared about me, and finally that I was in their city and wanted to hookup asap. Brilliant, right? Of these 4 guys, three are in relationships and the 4th is…eccentric. Here is my message to them:
“Hi GUYS NAME, I know it’s been a while since we had any communication. I just wanted to tell you that I still like you a lot, and I miss you. I feel like we had a real connection, and you are still the most adorable guy that I have ever seen…so 100% just my type. In my own way, I had such a true crush on you, and actually started to care about you. I get the impression that you really liked me too, I know you did, and I think you would easily start to care about me if you allow yourself the opportunity. Listen, I am coming to Ft. Lauderdale/Birmingham/Pensacola this weekend and I really, really would love to hook up with you. I would love to have you come spend the night with me here, anytime you drive over/down. I hope we can make a true “love connection” and I’m prepared to wait on you, for as long as it takes! You should also buy a copy of my book, after all, you have your own chapter (I used GUYS 1st Name Last Initial when describing you)…have a good day handsome yours truly, seriously YOURS TRULY John Jernigan
Sounds pretty good, right? Not so much…
My 1st guy, who I actually did develop an online crush/affection for last year, messaged me back with the quickness! “Hey guy! Awww, so nice! Are you here through Sunday? I have to go see my dad this weekend, won’t be back until late Sunday” He had his escape plan ready to roll!
The 2nd guy, the cutest little fella that ever lived, responded “i was and am at a bit of a loss for words… very flattered of course…” When I messaged him back later with April Fool’s he didn’t respond, just ignored me
Guy #3, my smart, distinguished and eccentric friend, replied “Hey John, glad to hear all is well. I’m moving to Savannah, GA within the month, Stay in touch. ” Glad to hear all is well? I just told you I was smitten and stuff…you responded with well sorry leaving the state 😦
The 4th, and final, guy’s response was sad and truly made me realize the mistake this April Fool’s attempt at funny was. This sweet fella, let’s call him “Beth”, is smart and sweet and also the first and only man my age that I have ever shared uhh physical affection with…I sent him my message, no response, nothing. At around 10 p.m. I logged into the facebook to wish him an April Fool’s and: he had unfriended me! I can’t even tell him it was a prank, whatever he did he really did, like he disappeared entirely to me, he made himself invisible, even in searches. I hope he will read this and understand I was just trying to be funny, as usual. What’s not funny and is actually kind of sad is that I would love to have any of these 4 beautiful men for my own…but I will likely always be alone, trying to be funny and trying to make everyone laugh, while I just want to cry.
@thejohnjernigan, Alabama, buy John's book $3.99, country, culture, funny, gay, Georgia, humor, LGBT, love, Mississippi, perspective, point of view, pure country, rednecks, Roll Tide, rural America, St. Petersburg, sweet home Alabama, tampa, Tampa Bay
Maters, Taters & Qcomeburs
@thejohnjernigan, Alabama, Birmingham, buy John's book $3.99, dating, funny, gay, humor, jokes, LGBT, love, perspective, point of view, queer, rednecks, relationships, sex, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay, trailer park, Wal-Mart
Under Neat that We Will Miss You
Alabama, atlanta, Birmingham, buy John's book on Amazon, Crimson Tide, cute, dating, funny, gay, humor, Lane Kiffin, LGBT, love, Nick Saban, pop culture, relationships, Roll Tide, sex, St. Petersburg, Tampa Bay
It’s Pimpin’ Pimpin’ baby
Alabama, animals, autobiography, Birmingham, book reviews, books, boston terrier, buy John's book, Cricket the French Bulldog, dating, dogs, essays, french bulldog, funny, gay, humor, john jernigan, love, Mateo L'artiste, memoirs, Pensacola, pets, Tampa Bay
a snippet from my book, The Gay Road Less Traveled, $3.99 on Kindle
“How Can I Love You More – M People”
When I went to pick out my new baby at a kennel in rural Alabama, the owner invited me into his house and led me down into the living room. In a big baby playpen there were two litters of French bulldog puppies playing, nine puppies, and all seven weeks old. There were two or three black puppies, a few brown, a light tan one, and one white puppy with a big black spot on its back. I noticed this puppy was slightly larger than the rest, more active, and she was not being nice to her littermates. She pounced on one of her brothers and knocked him over, then rammed the smallest puppy (the tan one) with her head, shoving it across the playpen while it squealed and cried. When the white puppy saw us she ran to the edge of the playpen and stood up, screaming and whining and imploring to be picked up, which the owner did. “That’s part of the problem right there” he said as he held her. “Every night I put the puppies to bed and they all go to sleep, except her, she screams and cries until my wife comes and gets her and puts her in the bed with us. She’s a smart little thing.”
I like to think I know a little bit about dogs. One thing I do know is that when choosing a new puppy, you’re supposed to pick one in the middle, not the alpha or the runt. The owner hands the puppy to me. This pot-bellied little grunting pig was the boss of this pack, no doubt. I should probably choose one of the brown puppies, still, this thing is white and black, she’ll match my two Boston’s, she’s female (only girls for me, dogs I mean) she’s smart. One test they advise doing with a puppy is to hold it in your arms like a baby, on its back with its belly exposed. If the puppy will stay still and be held it will likely be a good dog, because it’s secure and comfortable enough to let its guard down. I try this with the puppy. She bucks and whines and goes all stiff like a child having a temper tantrum. I try to rock her and hold her but she screams REAL loud like a hyena or something. I put her back in the playpen where she immediately pounces on one of the other puppies and lays on top of him, gnawing on his ear. She is adorably cute. I must have her! French Bulldogs have big ears, but they have to grow into them, this puppy’s ears are still all droopy and not standing up yet…she looks like a little cricket. Cricket.
John was excited to be going on a date on this Saturday night, unfortunately poor communication with his potential future ex-husband left him home, alone and HONGRY. He fried up some bologna with ketchup, and some eggs with grape jelly, then ate them up on some hamburger buns. John’s refined palate is evidence that he is trailer park royalty, ya heard?
Semmes, Alabama, is named for a Confederate admiral. Shockingly, the people of Semmes, Alabama, felt a little weird about an “all-male, African-American gay dance team from Mobile” impersonating sexy Santa gals at their annual Christmas parade. If by weird, you mean irate.
The 3,000-strong population of Semmes apparently likes its Christmas parade the way it likes its nooses: straight. And the Friends of Semmes, who put on the parade, feel just awful that the town’s upstanding citizens and children were forced to see the young African-American gentlemen of the Prancing Elites in action, according to Mobile’s Fox 10:
[Prancing Elites] Group Captain Kentrell Collins said he had every reason to believe the routine would be welcomed at the Semmes Christmas parade. After all, they were invited.
“I said, ‘we’re all over 21 and we’re guys.’ She was so excited. She was like ‘I didn’t know they had any groups like that in Mobile,'” Collins said.
However, instead of applause or cheers group members said they heard lots of jeers.
“Some of them were saying stuff like ‘Oh my God, what’s that?'” dancer Adrian Clemons said.
Claudia Davis, area white woman, spoke to the TV station on behalf of wide-mouthed concerned citizens everywhere. “I was outraged and appalled,” she said, as she stood shaking beside her presumably now-warped daughter:
“I never expect anything like this at the Semmes Christmas parade!.. If they were gonna put this… kind of… activity in the parade, they should have notified the people of Semmes so that we had a choice whether we wanted out child to attend and see something like that.”
Indeed. Besides naming its fair town in honor of a secessionist who was arrested for treason after the War of Northern Aggression, Semmes’ other claims to fame are that it has its own zip code and Walmart.
Alabama, Birmingham, books, Christmas, culture, funny, gay, gay blog, holidays, humor, john jernigan, LGBT, new orleans, perspective, point of view, queer, Santa, star wars, stretch armstrong, superfriends
This flea market had a lot of guns, rebel flags, and taxidermied animals…unfortunately they didn’t have the stuffed raccoon I’m still looking for. I didn’t buy anything, except for a bbq sandwich, funnel cake, cajun boiled peanuts and some fried pork skins.
So yesterday was my birthday. It came and went without a phone call from my mother, but I didn’t expect to hear from her anyway. I find myself really missing my grandmother, I love you Sara Caldwell!
I live on Central Ave. in downtown St. Pete. On Sunday mornings I like to take the dogs on long walks when I can. Central has plenty of thrift stores, antique shops, art galleries, coffee shops…plus a few halfway-houses, sketchy bodegas and dive bars. Today I turned left at the Taco Bus and we walked down an alley behind this little red bookstore. It’s dumpster was chock full of books and there was a nice chair next to the dumpster as well…for me? All of this for me?
As I dug into the dumpster and started shopping in earnest I thought about my new boyfriend on the facebook…like, would he be horrified that I was digging in the trash? Shaking ants off of stuff that looks like treasure to me? To somewhat clarify our relationship, I haven’t actually talked to him on the phone or met him, but he seems to be really articulate and knows ALL his words, plus he has almost 700 facebook friends! Wow, he must be great. I also know he has real vacation destinations like Palm Springs or Europe (way nicer than say Ft. Walton Beach)…so he’s fancy and whatnot. Hopefully he wouldn’t have a hissy fit if he saw his domestic partner (goddess?) knee deep in the garbage, hopefully.
I start pulling out books, books, books check ’em out! including:
Flowers for Algernon – Daniel Keyes (brand new!), Inventing the Abbotts – Sue Miller,The Snows of Kilimanjaro and The Old Man and the Sea – Hemingway, and the Complete Works of Rabelais…also Ivan Turgenev, Joseph Conrad, Tennyson, Richard Bachman, Wuthering Heights, Vanity Fair, Frank Miller, John Feinstein and Edith Wharton. I take my booty home (that’s treasure booty not booty booty) wipe some food stains off of a few books and Febreze my new chair, and I’m on the come up, my wealth is increased, I’m rich! Well maybe not rich, how about uniquely different? I hope my future ex husband in rural Alabama thinks so anyways…
I went to the DHR website to peruse the social work jobs…not bad. I did a lot of growing up in Birmingham, I hear it kind of calling me to come back…My decades-long unrequited love WK still lives like 5 minutes from the home I grew up in…his children are almost grown and gone, he has to be lonely and unfulfilled by now, right? Would I move somewhere based mainly on the idea of WK? who is completely in the closet as far as I can tell….plus the married guy *Mark that I am kinda in love with has proven disappointingly loyal to his wife, I can’t wait five years for him to have his mid-life crisis (me, I would be his mid-life crisis, get it)…he’s such a dainty little fella, I worry his wife might be physically abusing him or intimidating him or something…*Mark, I’m here if you need me, no means no, your body your choice, etc…
*not his real name
State of Alabama
64 North Union Street
P. O. Box 304100
Montgomery, AL 36130-4100
Phone: (334) 242-3389
Fax: (334) 242-1110
SENIOR SOCIAL WORKER – 50221
Salary: $35,589.60 – $53,995.20
Revised Date: December 12, 2012
The Senior Social Worker is a permanent full-time position used by various agencies throughout the state. This is advanced
professional service social work. Employees in this class develop a social service plan for a difficult and complex select
caseload in child protective services, adult protective services, child and adult foster care and/or adoptions; investigate complex
abuse and neglect cases; provide immediate crisis intervention; assess need and delivery of services; arrange for clinical
services; and/or plan for nursing home care.
• Master’s degree in Social Work from a social work program accredited by the Council on Social Work Education.
• Eligibility for Licensure as issued by the Alabama Board of Social Work Examiners
Licensure must be obtained within the probationary period in order to obtain permanent employment.
Applicants must complete and submit with their applications the willingness questionnaire on the reverse side of this
announcement. Applications without the willingness questionnaire will not be accepted.
Applicants must have available, suitable transportation.
Per Alabama Act Number 2000-775, beginning November 1, 2000, persons who apply for child welfare jobs will be
subjected to a criminal background investigation prior to employment with the Department of Human Resources.
Applicants may apply for this position during their last semester of college; however, applicants will be required to submit
documentation verifying completion of the Master’s degree to the hiring agency prior to beginning work.
Low-Cost Health/Dental Insurance (Single Coverage) Optional Family Coverage (Health/Dental)
Accrue Thirteen Annual Leave Days per Year Accrue Thirteen Sick Days per Year
Thirteen Paid Holidays per Year Retirement Plan
Flexible Employee Benefit Plans Optional Deferred Compensation Plans
Open-Competitive to all applicants
Evaluation of Training and Experience as shown on application
HOW TO APPLY
• Complete an Application for Examination Form available at http://www.personnel.alabama.gov, the above address, or any
Alabama Career Center Office.
• Apply by mail or by fax. Applications will be accepted until further notice.
THE STATE OF ALABAMA IS AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER
Please refer to the State Personnel Department web site or call us at (334) 242-3389 for complete information on our policy for
accepting post-secondary and advance degrees.
Applicants hired by the State of Alabama on or after January 1, 2012 will be subject to the E-Verify process
pursuant to Act No. 2011-535.
WILLINGNESS QUESTIONNAIRE FOR SENIOR SOCIAL WORKER (50221)
Are you willing and able to:
1. Work in situations where children or adults are deprived of basic living needs (ie food, shelter,
education, medical services, clothing etc.)? Yes □ No □
2. Remove children from current living situations for placement in foster care against the wishes of
the parents or legal guardians? Yes □ No □
3. View graphic physical abuse of children or adults? Yes □ No □
4. Work in high crime areas, sometimes alone? Yes □ No □
5. Use your personal vehicle to transport clients, children, supplies, or conduct visits? Yes □ No
6. Work with persons who are substance abusers? (alcohol and drugs) Yes □ No □
7. Work in low income housing projects sometimes alone? Yes □ No □
8. Occasionally work nights and weekends? Yes □ No □
9. Take verbal abuse without retaliating physically or verbally? Yes □ No □
10. Visually observe children, clients, or adults for physical signs of deprivation (ie clothing, hygiene, extreme
weight loss, etc)? Yes □ No □
11. Handle large case loads? Yes □ No □
12. Maintain strict confidentiality of all information to which you have access? Yes □ No □
13. Serve as a witness in court proceedings? Yes □ No □
14. Maintain very detailed case notes? Yes □ No □
15. Work in highly emotional situations and maintain composure? Yes □ No □
16. Handle a large volume of paperwork? Yes □ No □
17. Handle the pressure of meeting deadlines? Yes □ No □
Signature: ____________________________ Social Security Number: ________________________
I have about 20 of my mother’s journals , her diaries I guess I’ll call them…lots of cringingly-bad life choices and social ineptitude. They’re a frickin’ goldmine. I’m contemplating adding a little Linda Jernigan adventure at the end of each of my short stories that I’m trying to get published. My mother was fired from EVERY job she ever had, we had some evictions for hoarding and whatnot, my credit was ruined by my sophomore year of high school…
My mother has a Master’s in music and when I was young she taught first grade, then music, then teacher’s aide, then Head Start, then daycare, then she was a nanny…then disability. A steady downhill slide professionally…
Here is one of her journal entries, from when she was working at a Head Start program in Talladega, verbatim:
“Dontarious and Kimani were soo wild again today! They were running everywhere and Dontarious was grunting and kept saying he was a little pig! I told him he was acting like a little pig! Ms.Carmen took a way too long break after lunch and left me all alone with the kids, knowing how bad they are and that they won’t listen. I think she did it on purpose! Dontarious would NOT listen to me so I scratched him on his arm with my fingernail. He cried a little bit but then he went and laid down for his nap. I told Ms.Carmen I had to scratch him when she came back. She looked at his arm and said he probably deserved it.”
Two subsequent journal entries note that Dontarious’ arm had gotten infected. My mother notes that she told him that “With as long as your arm has been infected, you will remember to not act bad with me anymore.” She was let go about two months later, and in her journal entry she is shocked and confused, has absolutely no idea why she was fired…scratchin’ and shakin’ babies, 45 days called in sick, asking parents to stay at school and “help” her watch the kids, wearing jogging suits with no bra to work, taking a $100 box of sausages from the lunchroom and promising she was going to pay for them next payday(when caught), eating the leftovers from the children’s lunches once they were full…those are only the things she “journaled” about. No one will ever know the true extent of her terrordome while responsible for those kids…but I think I have a pretty good idea.