I tried to drink it away, I tried to put one in the air
I tried to work it away, but that made me even sadder
I tried to keep myself busy, I ran around in circles
I slept it away, I sexed it away, I read it away
I tried to run it away, thought then my head would be clearer
I traveled 70 states, thought moving would make me feel better
Semmes, Alabama, is named for a Confederate admiral. Shockingly, the people of Semmes, Alabama, felt a little weird about an “all-male, African-American gay dance team from Mobile” impersonating sexy Santa gals at their annual Christmas parade. If by weird, you mean irate.
The 3,000-strong population of Semmes apparently likes its Christmas parade the way it likes its nooses: straight. And the Friends of Semmes, who put on the parade, feel just awful that the town’s upstanding citizens and children were forced to see the young African-American gentlemen of the Prancing Elites in action, according to Mobile’s Fox 10:
[Prancing Elites] Group Captain Kentrell Collins said he had every reason to believe the routine would be welcomed at the Semmes Christmas parade. After all, they were invited.
“I said, ‘we’re all over 21 and we’re guys.’ She was so excited. She was like ‘I didn’t know they had any groups like that in Mobile,'” Collins said.
However, instead of applause or cheers group members said they heard lots of jeers.
“Some of them were saying stuff like ‘Oh my God, what’s that?'” dancer Adrian Clemons said.
Claudia Davis, area white woman, spoke to the TV station on behalf of wide-mouthed concerned citizens everywhere. “I was outraged and appalled,” she said, as she stood shaking beside her presumably now-warped daughter:
“I never expect anything like this at the Semmes Christmas parade!.. If they were gonna put this… kind of… activity in the parade, they should have notified the people of Semmes so that we had a choice whether we wanted out child to attend and see something like that.”
Indeed. Besides naming its fair town in honor of a secessionist who was arrested for treason after the War of Northern Aggression, Semmes’ other claims to fame are that it has its own zip code and Walmart.
Illustrations from my soon-to-be-published book, The Gay Road Less Traveled, which will be available on Amazon. The artist is both a friend and one of the most talented individuals in the world, Mateo L’artiste.
When you’re close to tears remember
Some day it’ll all be over
One day we’re gonna get so high
And though it’s darker than December
What’s ahead is a different color
One day we’re gonna get so high
And at the end of the day
remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we’ll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close till the end
We’ll remember it was me and you
‘Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love
Don’t you think it’s time you started
Doing what we always wanted
One day we’re gonna get so high
‘Cause even the impossible
is easy when we got each other
One day ‘we’re gonna get so high
@thejohnjernigan, boston terrier, Cricket the French Bulldog, dating, depression, dogs, french bulldog, gay, holidays, Hungry Howies, john jernigan, Krispy Kreme, LGBTQ, pets, queer, relationships, Squeak the Boston Terrier, Tampa Bay, Thanksgiving
A fat , sleepy Frenchie
An intellectually challenged Boston
This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my friends, for my health, for my books and the movies, and most importantly for my two babies, Cricket and Squeak. Maybe I can find a man to love me for Christmas 🙂
Dry is the story of Augusten’s battle with alcoholism. Having battled my own demons (and continuing to battle), this memoir really resonated with me. Augusten Burroughs and David Sedaris are my two biggest writing influences, gay men who see life in a different and funny and sometimes cynical way. I chose my baby Cricket because Augusten had French bulldogs. I love your work, Augusten Burroughs!
“I’m lonely. And I’m lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.”
“I think part of the reason I’m attracted to Foster is because he’s such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in my life have never been easy to love. I’m not used to normal. I’m used to disaster. I don’t know, as messed up as he is, he’s also sort of exciting, sort of a challenge. I’m accustomed to working for love.”
“What I really want is to sit next to someone on an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and drink coffee from the same mug. I don’t want some rusty ’73 Ford Pinto with a factory-defective gas tank that causes it to explode when its rear-ended in the parking lot of the supermarket. So why do I keep looking for Pintos?”
“Sober. So that’s what I’m here to become. And suddenly, this word fills me with a brand of sadness I haven’t felt since childhood. The kind of sadness you feel at the end of summer. When the fireflies are gone, the ponds have dried up and the plants are wilted, weary from being so green. It’s no longer really summer but the air is still too warm and heavy to be fall. It’s the season between the seasons. It’s the feeling of something dying.”
“You’re at the crack addict’s apartment? Having a little sandwich?” he says. From the tone of his voice, you’d think I just told him I was hanging out at a playground wearing a NAMBLA t-shirt.”
I can’t disguise I was hypnotized
Lost a track, struggled back
I wanted easy stuff to please me
Something in the dark began to squeeze me
Seen it, there, been there in the mirror
Totally focused, no hocus pocus
Dare I give in to this thing gripping my skin
To win, thinking how to add
The lights of a car go by in the stream
Seems like I stand pretty much unseen
But I open my eyes and beams
Gimme, gimme, symphonies
Gimme more than the life I see
Score adds up
Lets my loneliness get blown away
Walmart Paula Deen I have known, specifically her Ooey Gooey Butter Cake. For a minute I was all panicked that Paula’s train wreck of racism might affect my refined palate if Walmart dropped her, but who am I kidding? Just about everything in Walmart except food comes from China, and I have heard from a reliable source that Walmart is about to roll out a very affordable line of Chinese babies (live, female babies). I do invest in four original ooey gooey butter cakes just in case, and spend this fabulous Saturday night eating them in bed watching Malibu’s Most Wanted and reruns of Big Bang 😦
I am sort of resigned to being alone, just me and my babies. I have fallen into this routine of the dog park and flea market on Saturdays, then a double feature at the movies on Sundays. What’s so sad is there are so many men out there that I kind of love, they’re just all unattainable, taken, don’t like me back: Mark in Boca, William in Alpine, Geoff B. in Tallahassee, Steven in Oviedo, Jeff in Orlando, Stephen in Pensacola and now Forrest in Birmingham…all of you are supposed to be my husband, hello!? Somebody love me please, I’m tired of being sad and lonely…what if this truly is as good as it gets?